


The Best Games of all Time

by Jassanja



Category: Doctor Who, Fairy Tales and Related Fandoms, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, James Bond (Movies), Mary Poppins - All Media Types, Olympic Opening Ceremony (2012)
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-20
Updated: 2012-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-21 18:43:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/600926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jassanja/pseuds/Jassanja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Listen to the commentary of the Opening Ceremony to Olympic Games like you've never seen before</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best Games of all Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheDivineGoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDivineGoat/gifts).



> For easy reading, the female commentator is in italics

“Welcome to the Olympic Opening Ceremony! My name is Steve Williams.”

_“And I’m Linda Clarke! We will guide you through this evening.”_

“I’m sure you are as excited as we are to welcome all the athletes that will be competing over the next two weeks.”

_“Th ~~i~~ s will be extraordinary games, bringing together so many people from all around the world.“_

“And we won’t loseany time, as here in the stadium the gates are about to open, and the parade of athletes is about to begin.”

_„And here they come, the Death Eaters! Walking in first. I have to tell you, I’m always a bit scared by them, aren’t you Steve? Their dark robes and white masks  always make them look so foreboding.“_

“Scaring people with their outfit is part of the strategy they use to win. It usually works out for them.”

_„The flag, that’s carried by Severus Snape, also looks quite intimidating.”_

„They call that symbol, with the skull and snake, the Dark Mark. It’s traditional to the Death Eater culture.”

_„And now they all salute the Dark Lord, who sits on the stands with all the other leaders.“_

„I saw him earlier talking to the Queen.“

_„Yes, he’s been friends with her for many years now. It’s Mary Poppins, the president of the Legion of Umbrellas he can’t stand.“_

„Yes, Linda, you’re right.  He likes Mary about as much as he likes Albus Dumbledore, or the Muggle Prime Minister.  Or shall we say, he dislikes them, and can’t wait for his people to beat theirs in all the events of the games.”

_“Where are the Death Eater’s biggest chances to win medals?_

“They have a surprisingly strong volleyball team. Also, skeet shooting and canoe slalom.”

_“And don’t forget that Bellatrix Lestrange is the big favorite for the women’s all-around gymnastics.”_

“Of course their favourite sport, the Muggle Hunt, still isn’t Olympic. “

_“Yes, they have long since tried to petition it, but the chances of that ever becoming an Olympic event is less than stellar.”_

“Right behind the Death Eaters, enter the Dancing Industrialists.”

_“Not quite alphabetical the entrances this year, are they Steve?”_

“That’s true. As you may have heard, there were some discussions before these games. Some participants found it unfair, that they always had to enter when everybody was already tired of the parade after over two hours. So a random draw was held this year.”

_“We talked about the rivalry the Death Eaters have with some of the other fractions; so what about the Industrialists?”_

“They have an arch rivalry going on with the Farmers.  You will see that come into play in most of the team events. “

_“So we can look forward to some intense football and water polo matches.”_

“Oh yes, Linda, absolutely."

_“I love their outfits. Those beards and top hats make them look dashing.”_

“Through I have a hard time imagining their women running in those dresses. And they’re supposed to be among the fastest in the 4x 100 relay.”

_“Our next team is the one with the fewest competitors. The Doctors of Who are only eleven strong.”_

“Yes. They are at the Olympics for the first time, and there was quite some controversy around them as well.”

_“Because they didn’t bring any female athletes?”_

“I expected you to point that out Linda, but it’s not only because of that.  There was also some controversy about letting non-humans compete. “

_“Ah, the whole two hearts thing.”_

“Exactly. There were critical voices pointing out that this could be considered doping.”

_“Well, they mainly start in road cycling, so they just even out the odds.”_

“That’s a mean thing to say.”

_“But it’s the truth, Steve, it’s the truth. There’s a difference between never being tested positive, and never haven taken anything to dope.“_

“Let’s not go down that route. We should rather talk about the chances of one of the Doctors lighting the Olympic flame. There were a lot of people betting a lot of money on it.”

_“Usually, only distinguished athletes with an Olympic past get to light the flame.”_

“They may make an exception, because it’s the first time, we have extra terrestrials’ competing.”

_“Guess we’ll have to wait and see.”_

“Up next in the Parade of Athletes, comes the Legion of Umbrellas.”

_“They never walk into the stadium, they always fly in.”_

“Quite useful those umbrellas, don’t you think?”

_“I think I prefer to fly in a plane. Less trouble with turbulences than with such flimsy umbrellas.”_

“And again those old fashioned dresses, as we’ve seen on the Industralists ladies.”

_“I figure you mention this again because the Legion is the Insustrialists’ biggest competition in the sprint relay.”_

“You caught me there Linda.”

_“And there is their leader, Mary Poppins waving from the stands.”_

“Do you think it’s any fair that the Legion of Umbrella’s don’t have any male athletes? We know what you think about the Doctors of Who not having any women in their team.”

_"The Legion of Umbrellas comes from a very traditional background of nurses and nannies.  Back then it would have been impossible to have a man do those things."_

"The same could be said for women in other fields."

_"That's something totally different."_

"I don't see it like that. If you ask me than equal treatment has to go in both directions, with neither allowed to claim tradition."

_"I guess we have to agree to disagree on this!"_

"Yes Linda, we better watch the entrance of the Social Media Generation."

_"They have a rather unique situation too, don't they?"_

"Two flag bearers, yes."

_„A young man and woman, that are actually a couple.“_

“They came together after she left her phone in the bus. He found it, and texted her so they could meet up and he could give her her phone back. “

_“I’m always wondering how he could text her, when she just had lost her phone.”_

“Perhaps he used her phone to text one of her friends? Or perhaps she had another phone. You never know with those young people.”

_“Anyway, they met up, she got her phone back, and they found out that they’re both Olympians.”_

“She’s a swimmer, he does track and field.”

_“Not two groups of athletes that usually mix well.”_

“Let’s hope they make it anyway. It’s always nice to have a great love story to go with the Games.”

_“We are getting closer to the end of the parade. Only three more teams to come”_

“And the first of those are the Farmers.”

_“Also a very traditional group.”_

“And they’re always bringing some cows and donkeys to the parade.”

_“As we mentioned before, they have a long standing rivalry with the Dancing Industrialists.”_

“Yes, mostly in team sports, but also in boxing, wrestling and weightlifting.”

_“Aren’t you going to mention their dresses, Steve?”_

“That’s redundant by now!”

_“Let’s welcome the Fairytale creatures.”_

“Up ahead with the flag we have Snow White”

_“As she’s very fond of animals, it won’t surprise you, that she’s an equestrian.”_

“A superb dressage rider to be exact.”

_“Right behind her you can see Robin Hood, the top archer in the world.”_

“Other members of their team are the Gingerbread Man, who’s the fastest man in the world, and Arielle, the fastest woman in the water.”

_“She’s only sixteen years old, but already breaking records left and right.”_

“That will always get people talking about irregularities in her training, but I think it’s just over the top to accuse her of having been manipulated with fish DNA.”

_“Another candidate for a medal is Rapunzel. As a diver she’s experienced with high towers.”_

“Only one team to go now. Dumbledore’s Army. “

_“Hey, Steve, haven’t you mentioned a random draw at the beginning of the broadcast?”_

“I did!”

_“The Death Eaters first, Dumbledore’s Army last. That doesn’t sound so random to me.”_

“It has to be. It was all computerized.”

_“Harry Potter got the honor of bringing in the flag… again!”_

**_“_** Who else would you have chosen? He’s the greatest tennis player of all times. And while the DA always brings good results, they have precious few winner types, with their motto of friendship and loyalty above all else.”

_“We see if you will still talk like this in two weeks time. I’m sure they are going to win lots of medals. “_

“You’re pretty sure there of their success Linda. Who are your favorites then?”

_“Fencer Ginny Wesley, as well as her brothers in the rowing team. And watch out for the Patil twins in the synchronized swimming.”_

“We will get to talk about all your misgivings during the closing ceremony, in two weeks time.”

_“You mean you will have lots of time then, to say you’re sorry, you had so little faith in the DA!”_

"Now that we have all the athletes with us in the stadium, it is time for the official part of the ceremony.”

_“I’m not sure if you can hear it, but it sounds like there’s a helicopter close by.”_

**“** You think there’s a terrorist attack about to happen?”

_“Either that, or it’s part of the show.”_

“The helicopters are now circling over us”

_“And it looks like someone is jumping out.”_

**“** A parachute opens! It’s the British Flag!”

_“The jumper is about to land, right in the center of the stadium.”_

“He’s down. Is that who I think it is?”

 _“Oh my god, yes! It’s IOC president James Bond_ ”

“What an entrance!”

_“And he looks as handsome as always. No wrinkle in his tuxedo, no hair out of place, even after that jump.”_

“He’s now talking about all the hard preparation everyone involved had in the build up to this day, about the joy and excitement that lies in front of us.”

_“And now it’s time for the torch to arrive.”_

“And all the gamblers were right! It is one of the Doctor’s that takes over the flame, and lights up the Olympic flame.”

_“If I’m correct in keeping them apart, this must be Doctor number ten, a badminton player.”_

“And with that the opening Ceremony comes to an end.”

_“We will have two weeks of fantastic sports ahead of us. I hope you join us for all your favorite events. I’m Linda Clarke.”_

“And I’m Steve Williams, good night!”


End file.
